Dover Cards – discovered when I Googled “tasteful e-cards”.
Try to keep up with me here…
recent updates and changes
The Montrealer list continues to expand – so I’ve chunked it into an extended entry. Additions to the list are always welcome!
I’ve also updated the entry on the “I’m Julie” ad. Google has revealed that many bloggers and other online writers have responded to the ad – and the Gazoo, among others, has now pulled the ad.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
You know you’re a Montrealer when
(please note, many of these apply specifically to anglo Montrealers (see point 4))
you pronounce it “Muntreal.”
you have ever said anything like “I have to stop at the guichet before we get to the dep.”
your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.
you understand and frequently use terms like ‘unilingual,’ ‘anglophone,’ ‘francophone,’ and ‘allophone.’
you agree that Montreal drivers are crazy, but you’re secretly proud of their nerves of steel.
the most exciting thing about the South Shore is that you can turn right on a red.
In other words, I’m a talented BS artist
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Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence |
 You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator. |
In like a lion, methinks
It’s snowing now. It’s been snowing pretty much non-stop since Saturday evening. The weather people are calling for somewhere between 20 and 30 centimetres* of snow in the current 24-hour period.
Any bets on how long before Canadian Tire sells out of snowshoes?
*That’s 8 to 12 inches for the Imperialists.
Happy International Women’s Day
Yes, today is International Women’s Day – is that why the Gazette chose to run a quarter-page ad today, urging people to “ask your doctor” about weight-loss methods?
Not just any old weight-loss ad, either.
The first two lines of the ad are “I am Julie. Last night, I did a striptease for my husband.”
Then comes the picture – a woman’s body, from just below the waist to just above the knee, dressed in black garter belt and panties, turned slightly to one side.
Finally, the big question – “what would you do with a few less pounds?”
Where do I start?
On International Women’s Day, here’s an that takes up 25% of the page, in which (a) women’s bodies are reduced to specific parts, and (b) women’s body images are strictly understood in terms of women as sexual objects.
We’ve come a long way, baby.
Update
The Gazette, and others like it, have pulled the ad in question due to generally negative reactions from readers. Although the ad does not specifically name a product, the ad comes from a pharmaceutical company, which cannot directly advertise a weight-loss medication, but can urge you to “ask your doctor” about “methods” for weight loss. Oh, and the medication in question is not just a weight-management drug, it’s available through prescription only in cases of clinical obesity.
For balance, may I suggest Barbara’s Story.
Break with tradition
So Colin and I are both off this week – or rather, Colin is off, and I’m putting a lot of effort into my procrastination.
So far, our time has been spent riding the rails – Colin’s fascination with the Metro has not waned since last year, although now he’s added the Underground City to his list of must-have experiences. So we’ve walked the Underground City, we’ve shopped, we’ve been to the cinema (The Incredibles), and today – as per Colin’s request – we’re going to the museum of fine arts.
Colin says that he’s been once, but he didn’t get to see everything.
We also lunched with Dina and Bill, and Colin has already extracted a promise from me that we’ll do that again next year. I assume he wants to relive…
The Duck Jokes
1. A duck walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist “Do you have any duck food?” The pharmacist says “No, sorry, no duck food.” The next day, the duck comes back, and asks “Do you have any duck food?” The pharmacist says “No, as I said yesterday, no duck food.” The next day, the duck comes back again, and asks “Do you have any duck food?” The pharmacist says “No, we have no duck food. I’m getting tired of you asking me for duck food everyday – if you do it again, I’ll nail your feet to the floor, buddy.” The next day, the duck comes back, and asks “Do you have any nails?” The pharmacist says “No, we don’t carry nails.” So the duck asks “Do you have any duck food?”
2. Different duck, different pharmacy – the ducks says to the pharmacist “Do you have any Chapstick?” The pharmacist says yes, so the duck says “Great – put it on my bill.”
3. A man walks into a doctor’s office. The man has a large duck perched on his head. The doctor says “What seems to be the problem, sir?” The duck says “Well, there’s a guy on my ass.”
4. (not a duck joke, but the one that made Colin laugh loudest) Two English muffins are in a toaster oven. The first muffin says “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The second muffin says “Oh my God! A talking muffin!”
Yes, I’d say the education of my son proceeds apace.
Maggie’s Acceptance Speech for the Best Derivative Sitcom Screenplay Oscar:
Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly conjugate verbs! I feel so blessed! And this statue – it’s so suspiciously phallic! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to bow down before me and accept that even in my wildest quiet times, I never would have imagined that this could ever happen to me. And to the other second-rate nominees, I want each of you to know how totally wonderful your jealousy makes me feel right now!
You know when they first told me I was nominated, I just had to take a Xanax and obsess about how great my fans have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda special.
You know, there are so many obsequious little people to thank! First off though, I want to bitch slap the senile old bats of the Academy, who looked deep within their cold, black hearts before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Charleton Heston, for being such a powerful force in my life. And to my sister, who taught me to take life by the balls. And finally, to all the personal assistants I fired – I couldn’t have done it without you!
Thank you America, and good night!
Be prepared – get your acceptance speech here.
Out of the mouths of babes
My nephew Simon, who is three and whose sister, Elizabeth, is pretty much brand new, asked his dad why Elizabeth has no penis. Zip told him that because Elizabeth is a girl, she has a vagina instead.
Simon, whose other auntie has just returned from the Far East, now thinks that if you’re a girl, you have a “China.”
As is, the Great Wall of China.
Company’s coming – get out the good china. It’s in the china cabinet.
This china’s been in the family for generations – it used to be my grandmother’s china…
Made in China.
You get the idea.
I had nothing to do with the name, I swear
For those of us who can’t help but giggle at those Harlequin covers, this.
via Shatnerian