And apparently it’s true that Canada’s immigration site has received record numbers of visitors in the wake of Tuesday’s election – and for those would-be Canucks who can’t wait the required six months, there’s a helpful site to speed up the process.
OK, here’s the plan:
We build a wall.
Now that we know without a doubt how things are, we need to be proactive.
So, c’mon Canada – let’s all meet at the border and have a Wall Raising. I bet we could get materials and funding from the US, who would no doubt be happy to help delineate exactly where we begin and they end. After all, border control is a big issue. What if a cow inadvertently meandered across the currently invisible border into Montana?
Think of the advantages*:
– Jim Carey and Celine Dion would be permanently on the other side of the wall.
– There would be loads of jobs created in wall building, wall maintenance, and graffiti removal.
– Bush League and other prominent targets safely on other side of the wall, thus reducing possible shrapnel-related injuries.
– No more brain drain (except of those smart enough to get over the wall).
updated suggestions from Vinny:
-easy practice for tennis players
-Meryl Streep can try to bring her children across another wall in another movie
-brick stocks will shoot through the roof
-if we build it high enough, we won’t be able to see their humvee2 vehicles
-can finally develop a semi-charming national accent.
*Suggestions for other advantages are welcome, invited, and will be posted in updates.
The election day that lasted forever
According to Slate, it’s a tie. A tie will likely mean Bush will be declared the winner, given that Congress is Republican. There’s a good article that spells it all out here.
Whatever the eventual outcome, chances are that nothing will be firmly decided by midnight tonight. We’ll be lucky if there’s a clear winner within the week.
I’m trying to be philosophical about it – I can’t vote, so regardless of the outcome, it’s not my fault. I just wish it were not my problem, but let’s face it, for better or for worse, the leader of the USA is the guy in charge.
By the way, Clinton is still the clear winner in the SUWWIWNP poll.
Touching you with a 10-foot poll
As you are all no doubt aware, there is an election next Tuesday in the U.S. of A. Most Canadians I know are anxious about this election, given that when it comes to the Bush League, we waver somewhere between hysterical terror and terrified hysteria*.
Various polls show a dead heat, at least once the margin of error is factored in. Gallup has Bush ahead 51-46. A poll in a San Francisco paper has revealed the surprising** news that Arab Americans are more likely to vote to Kerry. The only poll I’ve seen that shows a clear majority is this one.
Anyway, I figured since I can’t actually vote in this election, I’d create the illusion of participation.
*note the new, improved and essentially Billy Idol-free text. I am, however, still looking for a word, preferably an adjective, to express the very specific kind of emotions Canadians feel toward Bush. Contemptuous? Amused? Disdainful? Our-eyeballs-hurt-from-rolling-so-much? Any suggestions are welcome.
**as in not surprising at all.
Ben Cohen of Ben & Jerry’s is still working to expose Bush – the most recent form of protest is “a 3.7 metre-tall effigy of …Bush with fake flames shooting out of the pants.”
As in ‘liar, liar pants on fire.’
You can even sign up to drive the Pants on Fire mobile, or provide parking while the effigy is in your town.
Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to vote we go
So the polls are open, the pundits are primed, and no one knows what the heck to expect. Sure, we’ll end up with a minority government, but who? In cahoots with whom? Suffice it to say we’re headed back to the polls soon, mark my words.
One last thing, for those who would vote for the Green Party:
Just because a party calls itself “The Fluffy Bunny Party” does not make it a good party. Similarly, “The heroic white hat wearers” – not necessarily good guys.
The Green Party has a good name. C’est pas mal tout. Yes, the party supports Kyoto, but that’s neither here nor there, since there’s not much to Kyoto beyond a display of global goodwill. The Greens are fiscally and socially conservative. We’re talking Harper in a Greenpeace t-shirt.
Thus endeth the rant.
Go vote!!! For whomever you want, just do it. Remember – no vote, no bitching.
A poll of my own
How do you vote?
Ok, yes, you pick up a pencil, make an x, fold the ballot…
But I mean, what factors influence your vote? Family tradition? Duceppe’s blue eyes? Promises?
This question has been on my mind, so I have done something about it – tada, polling now available. Take a second to make your mark. Think of it as practice for the big day.
If you have suggestions for other polls, or amendments to this one, leave a comment.
Results will be posted when I figure that part out.
Casting votes, casting doubts
For the undecided among us, comes a quiz to help determine which federal party best speaks for our interests.
Apparently, I’m actually an NDP-er, 100%.
Close second? The Bloq, at 80%. I scored 73% Liberal.
The only reassuring result was the 7% I scored for the Conservatives. So I can continue to sneer sardonically at Harper. Phew.
Here’s a gun, there’s your foot… GO!
“Conservative MP Scott Reid resigned as the party’s official languages critic after saying bilingual services would be reduced if the Conservatives form the next government.”
Maybe Reid and Parizeau can reminisce over vodka tonics on the patio while the other politicians are busy campaigning.
And I quote…
“We’re trying to explain how things are going, and they are going as they are going. Some things are going well and some things obviously are not going well. You’re going to have good days and bad days.” On the road to democracy, this “is one moment, and there will be other moments. And there will be good moments and there will be less good moments.”
So saith Donald Rumsfeld, during a Pentagon briefing on the American invasion of Iraq.