The Perfect Elizabeth

by Libby Schmais
I picked this up on a whim because the title intrigued me and the book was on sale at Chapters for about $5. The jacket blurb starts with “This modern-day Sense and Sensibility is a witty story about two sisters: Liza, a would-be poet who spends miserable days as a legal secretary; and Bette a graduate student writing her dissertation on Toast in the English Novel.
Naturally, I figured this was the perfect book for me.
It turns out the only perfect thing about this book is the second word of the title. Granted, I finished the book in two sessions, but only because it pissed me off so much that I couldn’t sleep, so I kept reading.

Continue readingThe Perfect Elizabeth

Things that are tickin’ me off this morning

1. The traditional semesterial bruhaha regarding which teachers are returning next semester, who gets to teach what, and whose name appears in the registration package;
2. The continuing saga of the video cable – still no part, still no screen;
3. I don’t care how light and fluffy it is, it’s still #^%$* snow.

OK, here’s the plan:

We build a wall.
Now that we know without a doubt how things are, we need to be proactive.
So, c’mon Canada – let’s all meet at the border and have a Wall Raising. I bet we could get materials and funding from the US, who would no doubt be happy to help delineate exactly where we begin and they end. After all, border control is a big issue. What if a cow inadvertently meandered across the currently invisible border into Montana?
Think of the advantages*:
– Jim Carey and Celine Dion would be permanently on the other side of the wall.
– There would be loads of jobs created in wall building, wall maintenance, and graffiti removal.
– Graffiti!
– Bush League and other prominent targets safely on other side of the wall, thus reducing possible shrapnel-related injuries.
– No more brain drain (except of those smart enough to get over the wall).
updated suggestions from Vinny:
-easy practice for tennis players
-Meryl Streep can try to bring her children across another wall in another movie
-brick stocks will shoot through the roof
-if we build it high enough, we won’t be able to see their humvee2 vehicles
-can finally develop a semi-charming national accent.

*Suggestions for other advantages are welcome, invited, and will be posted in updates.

The election day that lasted forever

According to Slate, it’s a tie. A tie will likely mean Bush will be declared the winner, given that Congress is Republican. There’s a good article that spells it all out here.
Whatever the eventual outcome, chances are that nothing will be firmly decided by midnight tonight. We’ll be lucky if there’s a clear winner within the week.
I’m trying to be philosophical about it – I can’t vote, so regardless of the outcome, it’s not my fault. I just wish it were not my problem, but let’s face it, for better or for worse, the leader of the USA is the guy in charge.
By the way, Clinton is still the clear winner in the SUWWIWNP poll.

Won’t you come home, Bill*?

Americans, or at least some representational segment of them, go to the polls tomorrow. Meanwhile, back at the Canadians-who-want-to-vote-but-can’t ranch, we have a clear majority: 50% of voters have chosen former President Bill Clinton. The other 50% of the vote is evenly split, with votes for me, you, TinkyWinky and even John Kerry.
The only candidate with NO votes whatsoever is, naturally, GWB. None. Not a one. Nada.
Dare I say it? As many votes as there were WMDs? Nah, that’s just mean.
There is, of course, still time to cast your vote. Remember – your vote (in this poll**) has no impact whatsoever!
*this Bill, not this one
**if you’re actually eligible to vote in the real election, then fer G/d’s sake, get out there and VOTE!!!!