Recently, I suggested that what was missing in the US Democratic primary race was raciness.
Well, the Drudge Report, which brought us the Lewinsky scandal, is now pleased to report that John Kerry, the current front-runner in the race, may have what it takes.
This scandal has all the ingredients – a Democrat, an intern, and an apparent cover-up. At this point, it’s strictly rumour and innuendo.
Timing is everything – Kerry now needs to keep the rumour going, yet unproven, until he’s safely ensconced in the Oval Office. If the allegations prove true prior to the election, Kerry will be the new Gary Hart. But if he can keep the whole thing under wraps until he’s redecorating the Lincoln bedroom, he’ll be the new Bill Clinton.
According to the Sun, who interviewed the alleged other woman, “He invited her to be on his re-election committee. She talked to him and decided against it.”
Woo, steamy stuff.
Last month, bloggers far and wide posted entries about the jobs they’ve had. This was the first “Monkey” from blork and Martine.
This month’s monkey is a little more philosophical (read hard): “Talk about the times in your life when you felt really, really alive.”
Okay, here goes:
Continue reading “Live Monkeys”
I’m tired of winter.
The fluffy white snow, the glistening icicles, the lightly dusted fir trees – it’s all getting a little old.
I took my car through a car wash yesterday morning – of course, then I spent an hour and a half on the autoroute cursing every truck or car that splashed salty, muddy, dirty slush all over my beautiful, shiny, waxed car. Sigh. It was clean for approximately two minutes.
This morning, I awoke to a blizzard. Lots of big, fluffy flakes, which are awe-inspiring when you can lie in the snow, looking up into a night sky – it’s like the starscape screensaver, but real. On the other hand, when it’s morning, and you have to get the stuff off your car before driving along half-heartedly plowed roads riddled with potholes, it’s more augh-inspiring.
So, yes, it’s official – winter can end anytime now. I’m ready to move on. The novelty has worn off. Let’s see some daffodils and robins, please.
I’m in correcing mode – only five essays left. But I think it may be time to throw in the towel for today. What makes me think this, you ask?
I just gave myself a fat lip with my own pen.
See, I had the pen in my mouth, I was trying to contain my hair in a clip… next thing I knew, fat lip. And the chances are very good that somewhere between my mouth and my nose, there is a lovely streak of red ink.
Yup, definitely time to go home.
In the last two days, I have received five email offers to order Tylenol 3 with codeine online. One of these messages says, “why suffer the embarrassment of asking your local doctor?”
Am I missing something? Why would I be embarrassed to ask my personal doctor for Tylenol? The only reason I can come up with is excessive use – which leads me to ask:
Are these people crazy??
For all intents and purposes, they are blatantly promoting unsafe drug use. Now, it’s one thing for Americans to do their crossborder drug shopping on-line – that’s a case of availability, cost and health insurance. But to actively solicit, with the not-so-subtle implication that this is a recreational drug, is beyond the pale.
Frankly, the whole thing – the message, coupled with the inundation – is giving me a headache…
Now that’s a marketing strategy.
As promised, or threatened, depending on your point of view, I have started putting together some of my writing from days gone by. “The Moving Blues,” which first appeared in the Vanier Phoenix more than a dozen years ago, is the first of these.
I plan to post some of my fiction as well, assuming I don’t make myself gag in the process of retyping it.
How to Disorganize Your Life in Four Easy Steps
Imagine, if you will, a young couple. They have been seeing each other for about two years, and have decided to take the BIG STEP: living together. Shudders of morality aside, let’s take a look at the worst part of the relationship to date – the one thing that can destroy your happiness, not to mention your back. The Move.
Continue reading “The Moving Blues”
Originally published in the Vanier Phoenix, 1991.
It seems to me that the President of the United States of America, a.k.a. the “leader of the Western world,” should be able to afford at least one advisor well-versed in Middle Eastern affairs and diplomacy.
Continue reading “The (Gulp) War”
It recently occurred to me that what’s missing from the current Democratic primary race is sex.
Let’s look at this historically: in the last 50 years, the most successful US presidents (Dem.) are Kennedy and Clinton, both of whom were plagued by sex scandals, and the more we learn about them, the steamier they get.
Carter kept the “lust in his heart” and the beast in his pants – and lost his reelection bid to some actor from California.
LBJ, meanwhile, branded all the females in his entourage with his initials, but although he followed through on several Kennedy initiatives, such as civil rights and the space program, he failed to keep up, well, “it.”
Kennedy and Clinton, on the other hand, were randy buggers who, it seems, were willing to boff anything in a skirt (or a blue dress). I’m willing to admit my ignorance when it comes to American presidents pre-1960, but I bet there are even more examples of the Democratic Ass gettin’ some.
So, Democratic candidates, listen up – get out there and get dirty. Your country needs you (note the very, very subtle wordplay. Shakespeare did it first).