Something Up With Which I Will Not Put

I heard about the Bitch Test on the radio the other day, and was reminded by mellowkitty, who, by the way, is waaaaaaay less bitchy.

You are a GRAMMAR GOD!


If your mission in life is not already to preserve the English tongue, it should be.


How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm adding this to my resume.

via blork

Faced with such a harsh intrusion of reality, and with parting from the ladies, the lords are compelled to drop the conventional forms of wooing they have used so far and say just what they feel.

From page 23 of The Oxford Shakespeare edition of Twelfth Night.

Perhaps as a limbering exercise for the immanent April Monkey, this meme asks that you:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

Via Martine, who got it from Patrick, who conveniently lists the meme string so I can stop now.

Via Steve.

Copy the list, then indicate what you've read in bold. I've taken the liberty of making occasional comments.

Author - Title
-- Beowulf
Achebe, Chinua - Things Fall Apart
Agee, James - A Death in the Family
Austen, Jane - Pride and Prejudice among others
Baldwin, James - Go Tell It on the Mountain but I have sung the song
Beckett, Samuel - Waiting for Godot also among others
Bellow, Saul - The Adventures of Augie March
Bronte, Charlotte - Jane Eyre
Bronte, Emily - Wuthering Heights
Camus, Albert - The Stranger
Cather, Willa - Death Comes for the Archbishop
Chaucer, Geoffrey - The Canterbury Tales a.o.
Chekhov, Anton - The Cherry Orchard
Chopin, Kate - The Awakening but I have read other works
Conrad, Joseph - Heart of Darkness does seeing the movie count?
Cooper, James Fenimore - The Last of the Mohicans
Crane, Stephen - The Red Badge of Courage
Dante - Inferno
de Cervantes, Miguel - Don Quixote
Defoe, Daniel - Robinson Crusoe
Dickens, Charles - A Tale of Two Cities Oh, come on - it's like the only one I haven't read.
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor - Crime and Punishment other stuff
Douglass, Frederick - Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass
Dreiser, Theodore - An American Tragedy
Dumas, Alexandre - The Three Musketeers
Eliot, George - The Mill on the Floss see note above re Dickens
Ellison, Ralph - Invisible Man I did date him once, though. I think.
Emerson, Ralph Waldo - Selected Essays
Faulkner, William - As I Lay Dying
Faulkner, William - The Sound and the Fury
Fielding, Henry - Tom Jones
Fitzgerald, F. Scott - The Great Gatsby
Flaubert, Gustave - Madame Bovary
Ford, Ford Madox - The Good Soldier
Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von - Faust other stuff
Golding, William - Lord of the Flies
Hardy, Thomas - Tess of the d'Urbervilles
Hawthorne, Nathaniel - The Scarlet Letter
Heller, Joseph - Catch 22
Hemingway, Ernest - A Farewell to Arms
Homer - The Iliad
Homer - The Odyssey
Hugo, Victor - The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Hurston, Zora Neale - Their Eyes Were Watching God
Huxley, Aldous - Brave New World
Ibsen, Henrik - A Doll's House
James, Henry - The Portrait of a Lady
James, Henry - The Turn of the Screw
Joyce, James - A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man among others
Kafka, Franz - The Metamorphosis among others
Kingston, Maxine Hong - The Woman Warrior
Lee, Harper - To Kill a Mockingbird
Lewis, Sinclair - Babbitt
London, Jack - The Call of the Wild on the summer reading list
Mann, Thomas - The Magic Mountain
Marquez, Gabriel Garcia - One Hundred Years of Solitude
Melville, Herman - Bartleby the Scrivener
Melville, Herman - Moby Dick twice, even
Miller, Arthur - The Crucible
Morrison, Toni - Beloved
O'Connor, Flannery - A Good Man is Hard to Find
O'Neill, Eugene - Long Day's Journey into Night
Orwell, George - Animal Farm and, of course, 1984.
Pasternak, Boris - Doctor Zhivago movie
Plath, Sylvia - The Bell Jar
Poe, Edgar Allan - Selected Tales
Proust, Marcel - Swann's Way Monty Python sketch only
Pynchon, Thomas - The Crying of Lot 49
Remarque, Erich Maria - All Quiet on the Western Front
Rostand, Edmond - Cyrano de Bergerac
Roth, Henry - Call It Sleep
Salinger, J.D. - The Catcher in the Rye among others
Shakespeare, William - Hamlet
Shakespeare, William - Macbeth
Shakespeare, William - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Shakespeare, William - Romeo and Juliet need I add, among others
Shaw, George Bernard - Pygmalion but I have seen My Fair Lady.
Shelley, Mary - Frankenstein
Silko, Leslie Marmon - Ceremony
Solzhenitsyn, Alexander - One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich
Sophocles - Antigone
Sophocles - Oedipus Rex
Steinbeck, John - The Grapes of Wrath
Stevenson, Robert Louis - Treasure Island
Stowe, Harriet Beecher - Uncle Tom's Cabin
Swift, Jonathan - Gulliver's Travels
Thackeray, William - Vanity Fair
Thoreau, Henry David - Walden
Tolstoy, Leo - War and Peace
Turgenev, Ivan - Fathers and Sons
Twain, Mark - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn among others
Voltaire - Candide
Vonnegut, Kurt Jr. - Slaughterhouse-Five
Walker, Alice - The Color Purple
Wharton, Edith - The House of Mirth
Welty, Eudora - Collected Stories
Whitman, Walt - Leaves of Grass
Wilde, Oscar - The Picture of Dorian Gray The Importance of Being Ernest should be on the list, too...
Williams, Tennessee - The Glass Menagerie not to mention Streetcar.
Woolf, Virginia - To the Lighthouse among others
Wright, Richard - Native Son

*in case you're wondering, this was way easier than trying to think of something original to say. Scary busy (see below). Back soon.

In my not so humble opinion, you, of course, belong in the Picture of Dorian Gray, and do not try to deny it. You belong in the fashionable circles of Victorian London where exotic tastes, a double life, decadence, wit and a hypocritical belief in moral betterment make you a home. You belong where the witty apothegms of Lords, the silly moralities of matrons, the blinding high of opium, and the beauty of visual arts mingle to form one convoluted world.



Which Classic Novel do You Belong In?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ok, I know I just did this, with another list - but this list is different, I swear.

Via Mellow Kitty, blork, etc.

Same premise as last time - bold means I've read it, more or less. I've coopted blork's refinements, which means that if it's blue I've seen the movie, and if it's bold blue it has been both read and seen.

1984, George Orwell
The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
Animal Farm, George Orwell
Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
The BFG, Roald Dahl
Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
Bleak House, Charles Dickens
Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding
Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
Catch 22, Joseph Heller
The Catcher In The Rye, JD Salinger
Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoevsky
David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
Dune, Frank Herbert
Emma, Jane Austen
Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
The Godfather, Mario Puzo
Gone With The Wind, Margaret Mitchell
Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck
Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire, JK Rowling
Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling
Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
His Dark Materials trilogy, Philip Pullman
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, Douglas Adams
The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
Holes, Louis Sachar
I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte
Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
Katherine, Anya Seton
The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe, CS Lewis
Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
The Lord Of The Rings, JRR Tolkien
Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blighton
Magician, Raymond E Feist
The Magus, John Fowles
Matilda, Roald Dahl
Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
Middlemarch, George Eliot
Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie
Mort, Terry Pratchett
Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
On The Road, Jack Kerouac
One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Perfume, Patrick SuskindPersuasion, Jane Austen
The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
Pride And Prejudice, Jane Austen
The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
The Ragged Trousered Philantrhopists, Robert Tressell
Rebecca, Daphne Du Maurier
The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
The Secret History, Donna Tartt
The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
The Stand, Stephen King
The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
Tess Of The D'urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee
A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
The Twits, Roald Dahl
Ulysses, James Joyce
Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
War And Peace, Leo Tolstoy
Watership Down, Richard Adams
The Wind In The Willows, Kenneth Grahame
Winnie-the-Pooh, AA Milne
The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte

You're a Spirograph!! You're pretty tripped out, even though you've been known to be a bit boring at times. You manage to serve your purpose in life while expending hardly any effort (and are probably stoned to the gills all the while).


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You Are a Plain Ole Cup of Joe But don't think plain - instead think, uncomplicated You're a low maintenance kind of girl... who can hang with the guys Down to earth, easy going, and fun! Yup, that's you: the friend everyone invites. And you're dependable too. Both for a laugh and a sympathetic ear. What Kind Of Coffee Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Via Bill

Inspired by Spidey-Steve

Via Clare:

Last Cigarette: 205 days ago! Yay, me!
Last Alcoholic Drink: last night (Moosehead).
Last Car Ride: Yesterday afternoon, to Canadian Tire and back.
Last Kiss: last night
Last Good Cry: honestly, don�t remember. There have been many movie-induced tears, however.
Last Library Book checked out: Jack Maggs, by Peter Carey. I didn�t finish it.
Last movie Seen in Theatres: Spiderman II
Last Book Read: Angels and Demons, by Dan Brown (author of The Davinci Code. Currently reading The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency.
Last Movie Rented: 13 Going on 30.
Last Cuss Word Uttered: Fucking. But I blame our misadventures with our dishwasher.
Last Beverage Drank: Breakfast shake � OJ, slimfast, whey protein and peaches.
Last Food Consumed: ditto
Last Crush: Football players practice outside my office window. I�m fickle.
Last Phone Call: The Gazette, to cancel my subscription. They must have known, because they didn�t answer.
Last TV Show Watched: Scrubs
Last Time Showered: in just a few minutes, I swear.
Last Shoes Worn: Clarks wedgie sandals.
Last CD Played: �Me & Mr. Johnson,� Eric Clapton
Last Item Bought: Dish rack and drainer � hence Canadian Tire, and the conclusion to the dishwasher story.
Last Download: Flash, in order to play live video of new dishwashers. It�s like appliance pr0n.
Last Annoyance: Sour milk.
Last Disappointment: No coffee, given the sour milk
Last Soda Drank: Gingerale.
Last Thing Written: Comments on student papers.
Last Sleep: Last night.
Last Weird Encounter: My friend�s dog, who made very interesting sounds and puffed fur at us for no apparent reason. We tried food, belly scratches, water, out, in� it turned out what he really wanted was our hot chocolate.
Last Ice Cream Eaten: Don�t remember � yay, me, again!
Last Time Amused: Just now, because Colin is taking the verb quiz I gave my students on Friday � and he�s doing better than they did.
Last Time Hugged: last night, by a sleepy Robert.
Last Time Scolded: Yesterday � apparently I overreacted to the fact that our $%#$&^# dishwasher is $%#$&^# broken.
Last Time Resentful: Aside from the usual resentment at skinny people and bad drivers, I can�t really remember.
Last Chair Sat In: couch.
Last Underwear Worn: White thong.
Last Bra Worn: Peach-coloured Body bra from Victoria�s Secret. Really.
Last Shirt Worn: blue and white t-shirt.
Last Webpage Visited: http://hermitclare.blogspot.com/

What kind of car are you????
brought to you by Quizilla

Number 1 on the UK charts the day I was born: 'The Ballad Of John And Yoko'

Number 1 on the US charts the day I was born: 'Get Back'

And you?

via Shatnerian

Which File Extension are You?

Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly conjugate verbs! I feel so blessed! And this statue - it's so suspiciously phallic! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to bow down before me and accept that even in my wildest quiet times, I never would have imagined that this could ever happen to me. And to the other second-rate nominees, I want each of you to know how totally wonderful your jealousy makes me feel right now!

You know when they first told me I was nominated, I just had to take a Xanax and obsess about how great my fans have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda special.

You know, there are so many obsequious little people to thank! First off though, I want to bitch slap the senile old bats of the Academy, who looked deep within their cold, black hearts before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Charleton Heston, for being such a powerful force in my life. And to my sister, who taught me to take life by the balls. And finally, to all the personal assistants I fired - I couldn't have done it without you!

Thank you America, and good night!

Be prepared - get your acceptance speech here.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

via Clare

(please note, many of these apply specifically to anglo Montrealers (see point 4))

you pronounce it "Muntreal."

you have ever said anything like "I have to stop at the guichet before we get to the dep."

your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.

you understand and frequently use terms like 'unilingual,' 'anglophone,' 'francophone,' and 'allophone.'

you agree that Montreal drivers are crazy, but you're secretly proud of their nerves of steel.

the most exciting thing about the South Shore is that you can turn right on a red.

You are 'juggling'. Jugglers, tumblers, and other street performers were a very popular sort of entertainment once, before movies and talkies and online quizzes supplanted them.

You like to put on a show for people, and they like to watch. You are friendly and well-liked, particularly for your sense of humor, although you sometimes play with people's heads. You are frequently the center of attention, and you like it that way. However, you have to realize that the world does not revolve around you. Furthermore, you have to learn that your light-hearted antics are not appropriate to all situations. Your problem is that juggling has been obsolete for a long time.


What obsolete skill are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

via Magnificent Octopus

Ag... Silver
You scored 45 Mass, 46 Electronegativity, 67 Metal, and 0 Radioactivity!

Congratulations, you are one of the only things that can kill werewolves. In addition to that, you are socially-minded, constructive, and pretty hard to corrode. You, like iron, are a cornerstone of any collaborative effort. You tend to be a bit set in your ways, but you're also pretty good about sticking up for yourself. All this is well and good, but most people just like you because you're shiny.

Link: The Which Chemical Element Am I Test written by effataigus on Ok Cupid

Via Clare

Thanks to the ikeapunk, here's a good quiz for a Monday morning, when the brain is still in start-up mode and the coffee is just kicking in. Take your time with this one - and you may want to turn down your sound, at least after the first seven or eight hundred times of the loop.

Your Life is Like

Grosse Pointe Blank

via Clare.

Hey, at least I'm not asking for your zodiacal orientation.

1. Your Middle Name:

2. Age:

3. Single or Taken:

4. Favourite Movie:

5. Favourite Song:

6. Favourite Band/Artist:

7. Dirty or Clean:

8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:

9. Do we know each other outside of the internet?

10. Whats your philosophy on life?

11. Would you have my back in a fight?

12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?

13. What is your favourite memory of us?

14. Would you give me a kidney?

15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you.

16. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?

17. Can we get together and make a cake?

18. Have you heard any rumours of me lately?

19. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?

20. Do you think I'm a good person?

21. Would you drive across country with me?

22. Do you think I'm attractive?

23. If you could change anything about me, would you?

24. What do you wear to sleep?

25. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?

26. Would you go on a date with me if I asked you?

27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?

28. Will you re-post this so I can fill it out for you?

via kowy

Your Birthdate: June 22

You tend to be understated and under appreciated. You have a hidden force to do amazing things, doing them your own way. People may see you as strange and shy, but they know little. Your unconventional ways have more power than they (and even you) know. Your strength: Standing up for what you know is true Your weakness: You tend to be picky and rigid Your power color: Silver Your power symbol: Square Your power month: April

I would challenge some of these claims, but I don't want to come across as picky and rigid ;)

via Dina.

IT is a truth universally acknowledged, that a married woman in possession of a good wit must be in want of a blog.

Courtesy of Clare, a.k.a Elinor.

Time for another space-filler ~ this one is modelled on Scattergories, and is stolen from Clare. The idea is that you use the first letter of your first name for each of the following:

Name: Maggie

1. Famous Singer/Band: Moxy Fruvous!!!

2. 4 letter word: Minx, as in “she’s a naughty minx.” I lurve Craig Ferguson.

3. Street: Main

4. Color: Maroon. Also, a good insult in a pinch.

5. Gifts/Presents: Mink. I’m a size 6.

6. Vehicle: Mustang, baby!

7. Things in a Souvenir Shop: Miniatures. Also, possibly, mozzarella, assuming it’s a gift shop in a cheese factory.

8. Boy Name: Marilyn Manson (hee!)

9. Girl Name: Morticia

10. Movie Title: Moulin Rouge

11. Drink: Mojito!!!! Mmmm, minty.

12. Occupation: Mason. I have no idea why that was the first thing that came to mind.

13. Celebrity: Madonna

14. Magazine: Maxim

15. U.S. City: Minneapolis

16. Pro Sports Teams: Manchester United! (I had to work on that one, lest I list the Leafs).

18. Reason for Being Late for Work: Metro interruption

19. Something You Throw Away: Money (ask Dr. T.).

20. Things You Shout: Mother... um, nothing.

21. Cartoon Character: Mickey Mouse.