Something Up With Which I Will Not Put

An Italian company offers collector series bottles, including a series devoted to Adolf Hitler.

The bottles were the subject of a small item in today's Gazette. I suspect the copy editors were indulging a rather dark sense of humour. The headline?

Hitler wine labels in Italy spark German furor

Bennifer is no more. Everyone from CNN to the BBC is fascinated. According to these various sources, however, the break-up (if there is one) may be only temporary. Phew.

There is no mention of this latest tragedy on the official J.Lo site. The Baffleck site is temporarily down for reconstruction. Perhaps he's having all references to the Jersey girl eliminated?

In today's Gazette, Bill Brownstein's column is devoted to examining the excesses of well-to-do pet owners. Apparently one can purchase booties for one's dog, to protect against the cold and mess of winter.

Said booties feature "rubber souls."

Meanwhile, in Iowa, the Democratic hopefuls are campaigning non-stop. In an article from the New York Times, Diane Cardwell reports on how the lack of sleep is affecting the various candidates.

The Gazette reprinted the article - I'm not sure which venerable journal was responsible for the questionable hyphenation.

John Kerry, it seems, "is alternately on-point or irritable, sometimes miss-peaking..."

Bennifer is dead - again.

I thought the engagement was off last fall. Apparently now it's off again.

Thank goodness for media coverage, or we'd never know all the fascinating details of these people's lives.

At least Ben and Jen are easier on the eyes than Wacko Jacko.

Today's Gazette, front page, above the fold: 4-column pic of heartwarming mother-daughter-the-daughter-has-a-terminal-disease duo. Readers are directed to a different section of the paper for the actual story.

Below the fold, one column (which amounts to 3 sentences) is devoted to the story of a West Island doctor who is 'considering' banning the use of hospital resources for private, profitable plastic surgery.

The three remaining columns? How Canadian impersonators are responding to a new Prime Minister.

Meanwhile, on page A7, if you've read that far: Colin Powell admits that there might not be any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

Page A7????

Leave it to our litigious neighbours to the south. A class-action suit has been filed "on behalf of all Americans" against Janet "this boob's for you" Jackson:

Terri Carlin, a 47-year-old Knoxville bank employee, contends that Jackson's exposure and other "sexually explicit conduct" during halftime festivities caused viewers to "suffer outrage, anger, embarrassment and serious injury."

Also named in the suit: Justin Timberlake, CBS, MTV and Viacom. Apparently the Patriots and the Panthers are not being held accountable for the outrage, anger, and embarrassment, although the serious injury charge might stick.

Via Tenorman

I will grant you that this is a case of nonnewsworthiness, and that just thinking about that massive piercing makes certain bits of my anatomy cringe, but I still say I'd rather be exposed (pardon the pun) to Janet's boob than Michael's face.

Shudder.

Jennifer Garner is hustling for the real-life CIA.

Instance of Irony: given the recent anti-Kerry slurs that use his bilingualism against him, I found it amusing that this ad - which emphasises the CIA's role in fighting terrorism and safeguarding Americans - specifically encourages US citizens with "foreign language skills."

Apparently, this guy is too dumb even for the Darwin's, since he didn't, technically, get dead.

"When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911."

Two news items made me giggle this morning:

1. Drunk Texas dad asks 11-year-old son to drive - any bets on how long before the ex-wife takes this guy back to court?

2. Attack carp - Perhaps inspired by recent "preventative measures" in the international news, carp in the lower Missouri River are leaping out of the water when they see a boat coming. And they're not trying to jump out of the way.

According to a recent article on the BBC web site, "The music industry is to take legal action against 247 online song-swappers across Europe in the biggest crackdown against music piracy outside the US...

The first wave of legal actions will affect Germany, Italy, Denmark and Canada, and will be implimented according to that country's law."

What's a few thousand miles of ocean between friends?

Oh, and I think I'm professionally obligated to cringe at the the "according to that country's law" error. Should be "according to each country's law," or something like that - unless the legal actions really will be implemented according to Canada's law.

via Jiiiiim, via a blog from a broad (happy birthday, and happy Roman holiday, Lisa!!)

This headline is why I want to work for the BBC.

Stop everything.

Thanks, Vin.

Late last night, while waiting for Dr. T to make my tea, I watched part of an extraordinarily long commercial for the Ultimate 70s Collection, brought to you by the people at Time-Life, like you needed to ask.

Highlight: the perky blonde who, I'm sorry, was in no imaginable way alive in the 1970s, says of an Elton John song "now that's one of those timeless classics that truly defines the 70s."

timeless classic, defines the 70s

Riiiiiight.

Yes, today is International Women's Day - is that why the Gazette chose to run a quarter-page ad today, urging people to "ask your doctor" about weight-loss methods?

Not just any old weight-loss ad, either.

The first two lines of the ad are "I am Julie. Last night, I did a striptease for my husband."

Then comes the picture - a woman's body, from just below the waist to just above the knee, dressed in black garter belt and panties, turned slightly to one side.

Finally, the big question - "what would you do with a few less pounds?"

Where do I start?

On International Women's Day, here's an that takes up 25% of the page, in which (a) women's bodies are reduced to specific parts, and (b) women's body images are strictly understood in terms of women as sexual objects.

We've come a long way, baby.

Update
The Gazette, and others like it, have pulled the ad in question due to generally negative reactions from readers. Although the ad does not specifically name a product, the ad comes from a pharmaceutical company, which cannot directly advertise a weight-loss medication, but can urge you to "ask your doctor" about "methods" for weight loss. Oh, and the medication in question is not just a weight-management drug, it's available through prescription only in cases of clinical obesity.

For balance, may I suggest Barbara's Story.

So a student at Queen's was killed last week when he fell from the side of a campus building. The National Post headline, complete with subtle editorializing:

3-storey fall kills 'skilled' mountaineer

Hauppl said: "We all know what it means now, but for us F**king is F**king - we don't give it a second thought."

Via Bill.

Note to readers We published a promotional advertisement yesterday saying today's Gazette would carry a story about "A boy who fell between the cracks." Because of production delays, the story does not appear today. It will be published in the near future.

from the Montreal Gazette, Saturday, Oct. 15, 2005

This just in:

'Three little words' often driven by hopes of sex, survey finds: 'I love you' is not always totally sincere...

According to the 2007 Harlequin Romance Report published today, fully 58 per cent of men and 41 per cent of women have dropped an "I love you" solely in the hopes it would lead to sex.

See, now this is why it's important to read the newspaper every day. Information like this could change your life.

(Oh, and the "2007 Harlequin Romance Report"??? Don't even get me started.)

So, according to this morning's Gazette, lunar colonization appears to be a matter of fiscal responsibility:

NASA will delay the first manned flight of Orion, the new spacecraft designed to take humans back to the moon because of budget constraints, the agency's boss said.

Lynn Truss would have a field day.

On page A12 of today's Gazette there are two articles side-by-side.

Headline 1:
Vancouver drug workers fight to keep injection site alive

Headline 2:
B.C. fears arrival of giant squid on killing rampage

Can't you just hear it now? "This might be the drugs talkin', but I think there's a giant squid after me, man."

So I've been tuning in the Olympics every once in a while, in the midst of our basement project, just to see how we Canadians are faring (better this week). Since the Atlanta games, I have a real aversion to American coverage - for all I know, it's significantly better than then, but I'm not taking any chances. So I'm watching CBC's coverage, and I have some questions.

1. How come Ron McLean is tolerable as a foil to Don Cherry but gratingly irksome as an Olympic anchor? Or is it just me?

2. Who was the machiavellian genius who decided to air half the events on bold, the new CBC digital channel?

3. What the heck is the point of that Bombardier ad in which various people in various languages sing 'O Canada'?

4. What the heck is with the "er" in all the Bell ads?

5. Is it just me, or does the Air Canada "what the games mean to me" ad campaign drive everyone else nuts, too? They should at least air a response ad in which pilots discuss what they do have in common with the athletes: they both have to get good height, go the distance, and stick the landing.

6. Does the fact that 2/3 of these questions involve ads reflect the fact that there is way too much time devoted to advertising in the CBC coverage? And that most of that time is devoted to the same five or six ads?

Any insight is appreciated!

My lovely friend Erin (or, as Dr. T calls her, my hot supermodel friend Erin) recently interviewed Colin and Robert for her article on tobogganing - check it out!!

In the photo, by the way, Erin is wearing a hat that I made. The hat did not take as long to make as the children.